A few months ago, I had two particularly tough days in a row, dealing with moderately difficult tasks and very difficult people. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In one case, I was mediating the signing of a large contract. The subject matter wasn\u2019t too complex, as we had already agreed on almost all practical details in advance, and both parties wanted the contract. However, the negotiation was complicated by a mountain of anxiety and distrust on one side, which led to aggression that was difficult for the other party and me to handle. It was like a seesaw \u2013 we would reach a relative balance, making the contract signable. Then, a couple of comments would upset the balance, and we\u2019d have to find a new equilibrium. On one hand, I felt a positive tension as I thought and brainstormed about how to bring the positions closer, but I also had a knot in my stomach worrying whether it would work and if there was an ethical solution where both parties could feel at ease and a good cooperation could be established.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The following day, I felt a deep sense of helplessness in another task. I was supposed to discuss a financial report in English, but I couldn\u2019t understand my conversation partner, who had language difficulties and no prior financial knowledge. This frustrated him to the point that we quickly shifted from an adult-adult conversation to a confrontational one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Both situations eventually resolved, and afterward, I analyzed every aspect of what I could do differently next time to keep things on track. However, I struggled with the bad feelings for quite some time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Two useful thoughts for this analyzes came from an unexpected source: Thomas Laird\u2019s The Story of Tibet. I\u2019d like to share them in case they might help someone else as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The first is about \"eliminating involvement.\" During a conversation with the Dalai Lama, something unexpected happened, and everyone else was a bit scared and confused. However, he had reached a state through years of meditation where worldly things affected him less. This is brilliant in the sense that, in the long run, the outcomes of both days in my life were completely indifferent, yet they affected me emotionally more than they should have, pressing my buttons and making me carry bad feelings for days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of course, I can't instantly incorporate forty years of meditation practice, but working on reducing these emotional triggers and involvement can make everyday life easier. Even being aware of my involvement, like an anchor, might help during work. If I feel I'm getting too involved, it could reduce the emotional burden and help set boundaries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This was reinforced by another dialogue a few pages later. Here\u2019s a quote from the book (my translation to English, not the original text): <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is the key. How much I take external stimuli personally, how badly I experience them, what I do with them, and how long I carry them with me as a leader all depends on me, or it\u2019s up to me, and I can handle it differently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The theory, once again, has come together. With each new realization, the level of awareness increases, and so does the chance to practice this skill. It\u2019s time to reflect on how I\u2019m doing today with creating my own hell...<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
N\u00e9h\u00e1ny h\u00f3napja volt k\u00e9t k\u00fcl\u00f6n\u00f6sen neh\u00e9z napom egym\u00e1s ut\u00e1n, k\u00f6zepesen neh\u00e9z feladatok nagyon neh\u00e9z emberekkel. Az egyik esetben egy nagy \u00f6sszeg\u0171 szerz\u0151d\u00e9s al\u00e1\u00edr\u00e1s\u00e1n\u00e1l b\u00e1b\u00e1skodtam, ahol maga a t\u00e9ma nem volt t\u00fal komplex, szinte minden gyakorlati r\u00e9szletet m\u00e1r el\u0151re leegyeztett\u00fcnk, \u00e9s mindk\u00e9t f\u00e9l akarta a szerz\u0151d\u00e9st, de a t\u00e1rgyal\u00e1st nehez\u00edtette az egyik oldalon egy hegynyi m\u00e9ret\u0171 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2291,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[25,15,12],"class_list":["post-2289","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-egyeb","tag-mentalhealth","tag-personinfocus","tag-shortstory"],"yoast_head":"\n