There are moments in leadership—organizational development being a very typical example—when the company’s long-term interests require decisions that don’t feel good for the leader’s ego. Times when we have to let go of a principle, admit we don’t have all the answers, or acknowledge that we can’t do as much as we once could.
These situations are tough because we tend to see our leadership role as part of who we are. And when something doesn’t go well, it feels like a personal failure—not just a professional one.
This challenge can show up in many forms. For me, the hardest moment was when our company got into trouble, and the only way forward was to team up with one of our suppliers—someone I really, really, really disliked. Fine, let me be honest: I couldn’t stand him. It wasn’t very professional of me, but he was consistently unfair and condescending, and every conversation with him left me absolutely fuming. We worked together because we had no choice, not because the relationship was good.
Then came the point where we faced serious difficulties, and I had to do everything possible to get us out of it. And one of those necessary steps was to ask him for help. Every part of me resisted picking up the phone. It felt humiliating. I was sure he’d treat me even more dismissively afterward.
But then I started thinking: if I don’t make the call, and that missing piece is exactly what we would have needed to succeed, I’ll feel far worse later. If I make the call and it works, then it was worth it—and afterward I can work with a coach or mentor to understand how to handle people like him better, and what I need to improve in myself.
From that moment on, something shifted. I realized that neither I, nor my ego, can be the barrier to doing what’s right for the company. Whatever I need to learn, I’ll learn. Whatever I need to work through, I’ll work through. And if something still doesn’t go, I’ll admit it and ask for help—because as hard as these choices are, losing is much harder.
So if the company’s interests require it, and I don’t have to compromise my values, I’ll make the alliance—even with the old devil himself... But it still important, that I have to be able to look into the mirror!
